The World Through Yellow-Coloured Glasses

One of the things that always seems to fascinate me about infants is the way in which they experience the world. If only we would remember how it was to obtain joy in the most simple, mundane tasks; to look at an everyday object and note all its unique characteristics in amazement and awe. It is so rare now a days to look at something which is fresh and new. Instead we go about our day eating the same old breakfast and driving the same route to work. Occasionally we might be awaken out of auto pilot to say, "Hey, when did they add raisins to this cereal" or "Gee, looks like the neighbours painted their fence." At what point do we slip into this mode and see an apple as just an apple and not as a bright, red circle that is smooth and sweet to smell; something that we would gladly explore for half an hour.

For obvious reasons, exploration is a huge component to experience. If a child grows up in a house which is like a museum, where nothing should be touched or moved from its place, the child will have little opportunities to experience how things around him work. He most likely will be less apt to explore the world outside of his own for fear that if he touches something, he will be reprimanded. Children look to adults for cues of what is acceptable and unacceptable and how to respond in certain situations; this is called social referencing. In a way, we train our children how to react. For example, if Lachlan topples over on the floor, he may not react if he didn't feel pain. He will look to me though for answers to what just happened. If I gasp and he sees a worrisome look on my face, he will most likely begin to cry. He cries despite the fact that there was no pain because when he looked to me, my face told him that something bad has happened and he should be worried too. If I were to instead respond to him with a smile and start laughing (assuming he felt no pain) he probably would still be stunned, but then put a grin on his face. (Although, a whole other topic, I should add that if I were to laugh despite the fact that he had felt pain, I could be setting my child up for insecurities in the future as he would questions whether or not his feelings were valid. When adults sneer or blow off a child's feelings, they are left thinking, "Why do I feel sad when mom thinks this is funny? Something must be wrong with me!" This only creates low-self esteem in children and should be avoided at all costs. Please read Gottman's Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child, for techniques on Emotion-Coaching, or attend one of my parent workshops where we discuss this method. I'll save all that for another blog, though!)

In our house, pretty much everything is a go. If I don't want something touched or broken, it is not put out. At least not at this stage where will power and curiosity is at its strongest and the word 'no!' is still not fully understood. At Lachlan's age, he's trying to pair 'no!' and my facial expression together to figure out exactly what it all means. There will be plenty of time down the track to teach him what is off limits. When this time comes, I will gradually introduce my decorative favourites back into the house; giving him a chance to succeed in resisting temptation one at a time. If you want to keep all of your precious belongings out and believe that the best way is to teach children by trial and error, (which is wonderful!), taking safety into account, do so, but don't be upset or disappointed if that family heirloom vase gets shattered into a million pieces; some things, just may not be worth the risk.

Last week during Lachlan's mealtime, he was exploring his bowl and spoons (I always give him his own set to play with while I feed him), he discovered that if he held the bowl up to his face, he could see through it. Not only could he see through the plastic bowl (BPA-free, of course!), he was able to see the world with 'yellow' eyes. (The bowl is yellow for those mom's with mommy brain, who missed that...lol). Lachlan appeared to think this was absolutely amazing. He continued to cover his face with the bowl and peer at me through the centre. He would remove the boy from his face and have a good chuckle. This continued for several minutes. Next he discovered that he could breathe into the bowl and make the same Darth Vader impersonations that he does with his salt shaker. I could have sworn I heard him say, "Luke, I am your father..." Although I could have been hallucinating as a teething baby kept me up quite a bit the night before...

It should not be a surprise that children find joy from the most common instruments that we think are dull or boring or look at as serving only one purpose. Children on the other hand find multiple uses for these items. Plastic bowls for example become yellow-coloured glasses, a cool voice alternator, a drum, a floating boat, a hat...the possibilities are endless in the mind of a child. Your bub would of course love for you to share your creativity so show him something he can do with them; clank them together and see if he will follow your lead. It is best to let children explore at their own pace. Demonstrate something a few times while he is watching, set the items down and leave him to determine if he wants to have a go. When he is ready or interested, he will try them out for size. Insisting or forcing a baby to experience something before he is ready can have negative long term consequences; just ask parents who have force fed their children for example- they most likely have fussy eaters as a result and a power struggle during meal times. Exploration should be a fun experience where the baby sets the pace; this is the way to paving a road full of fun, trust and self-confidence!