Owning It

There is something absolutely beautiful about witnessing a child accomplish a goal. Toddlerhood is full of these moments. Really, isn't that what the toddler years are all about; discovery, exploring and most importantly taking on tasks beyond your reach and persevering until you make it within reach? This is where the majority of frustration is birthed--in that place between the child's reach and the final goal of achievement. Toddlerhood is challenging because children are constantly trying to do things that are beyond their capabilities. They have an 'idea' of the way something should be and they are frustrated when they can't make it so. I think this is one of the most important aspects about the phase that caregivers need to realise; it is a phase that is so necessary but yet so frustrating for the child! Not only is it frustrating, it is kind of scary. Toddlerhood brings with it a whole host of new abilities; walking, climbing, reaching for things a little bit higher, etc. It is kind of like riding a bike without training wheels for the very first time; you
know you are in control but there are so many factors to consider: how do you balance on the bike, how fast do you petal; what happens if you fall? Before you know it you are just wibbling-wobbling down the side walk and when you turn to look for your dad you realise that you are on your own. Now what?...Crash! The fear of the unknown--it is scary stuff! Toddlers are now left trying to answer the ultimate question: will I or won't I?

Bending to place a peg on the top

 

We often think that the children who answer with 'won't I' are obedient children and will disciplined. This may not be the case at all. They may just lack courage and confidence to attempt the unknown. A host of things could be holding them back: fear of the result or the most worrisome: fear of failure.This is always that hard one to observe; children watching something so intently but afraid of trying because they don't want to be disappointed. This is a good example of why it is so important to offer activities or tasks that are within the child's reach to complete. The feeling of success and owning the success only comes when children can repetitively achieve a task; it brings so much excitement to them and joy to their hearts--and their parents who witness it!

I was reminded of all these thoughts today while I was watching Lachlan play (by the way, play-based learning is the most important at this age!) As I've mentioned before, I like to change out Lachlan's toys to keep him stimulated and interested. I put out some chubby pegs for him to explore after dinner. While I was cleaning up his 'toddlerhood' dinner mess from the floor I was interrupted by laughing and clapping. Lachlan only claps when he is really excited so I stopped what I was doing to see what was going on. There he was standing in front of a tower he made looking at me with a huge smile on his face. I fortunately always have my camera handy and was able to catch this moment. As you can see by the photo he was quite proud of him self. Lachlan continued to stack more pegs on his tower. The Daisy Maxi pegs are great because they are able to sway and lean which adds a new dimension to tower building. Lachlan was working out that he could lean the tower towards him a bit to place a peg on, this was important because if he didn't have this option the top would have been out of his reach. When he was finished he pushed the wobbly tower vertical. I then saw him do something I'd never seen him do before: anticipating that the tower might fall, he places his hand to the side of the tower about an inch away, ready to stabilise it if need be. He did this several times and I was pretty amazed that he had pieced that thought process together.

 Ready to catch it if it falls

The most important part of the process of course was the fact that I let Lachlan own his accomplishment. I didn't step in or advice him what to do or how to build his tower. When it was wobbling, I didn't run to the rescue afraid of the aftermath; which for some toddlers might mean tears or a tantrum of frustration; the frustration bit is something that can certainly happen to Lachlan, especially when he isn't well rested! We are ready to support those moments in our house though and know that such emotions must be tolerated. I think because we support independence, tolerate the unhappy moments and offer affection and empathy when Lachlan is ready to receive it; that we have a confident child in the making. He is realising that he owns his own accomplishments--and as for those moments of failure?--well, we are teaching him that those are okay and not really failure. We learn something from them and when needed, mommy and daddy help guide him. After all, that is what parenthood is all about.