Noelle Mountain

Anyone who is a parent of more than one child knows it can be a bit tough juggling their attention between the two; especially if you have a child who is eager to share his every accomplishment. Lachlan is a great big brother but he certainly can have his moments when he doesn't want his sister be involved in anything. This is a part of the adaption process when you are no longer the only child; sharing affections and objects with others can seem 'not so fun.'

A few weeks ago we had a week or two straight were Lachlan just didn't want Noelle next to us when we were playing together. She of course is a baby and likes stimulation and interaction, after all she is human! I always have her sitting in her bouncy seat or plopped ever so snuggly in our bean bag chair so she can hear and watch us play. I always look at her and ask her questions when role playing just as I do with Lachlan. Noelle is a happy baby and will never disappoint-she always gives a smile and giggle back.

The other day I made the mistake of showing Noelle a train while Lachlan and I were playing. He did not like this. These are his trains, of course, not some slobbery baby's! I explained to him not to worry. She's just looking at it, she's too little to ply with his toys...yet! Well, to Lachlan, simply looking at the train was unacceptable. I obeyed his request as I didn't want a jealous rage to begin and Noelle, certainly cared none the less. This reaction went on for a week and finally I decided we are going to make Noelle a positive association when it comes to play, not a negative one. If I can convince him that Noelle has something to offer by being around, he'll be more likely to accept it. So you might be asking, "what does a drooly, baby that sits around like a sack of potatoes have to offer?" Well, I'll tell you...

So Lachlan and I being playing trains as usual. He's 'Lady' and I am 'Rosie.' (from the Thomas and Friends collection, just in case you aren't in the steamie groove). Noelle is sitting quietly on the bean bag chair and all is good. She's being her sweet and most gassy self as usual...Just smiling away (probably the gas...) I ask Lachlan, I mean 'Lady' where we should go today? He says to the zoo. So to the zoo we chug. "Chug Chug Chug" we go merrily along. "Oh, wait! What is this?" I ask. Lachlan looks at me in anticipation of what is to come. 'Rosie' approached the bean bag chair and Noelle. "Why it is a mountain!" Lachlan likes this. "It is Noelle mountain!" I exclaim. "Shall we go up it?" Lachlan replies with an "oh, yes, mommy!"

So up, up we go. Up Noelle mountain. We reach the top above Noelle's head. "What do you see down there?" Lachlan says, "O-elle!"
"That's right! Noelle! A giant baby!!" Lachlan laughs in excitement. I ask if we should drive out trains down to talk to this massive baby in the middle of the mountain. He is very keen. We drive halfway down next to Noelle's shoulder.

"Hi baby!" I say. "We like your mountain! Would you like something?" I ask Lachlan what we could give this big baby. He suggestes some apples so off we chug down the mountain to get some pretend apples and make our journey back up to Noelle.

"Here O-elle!" says Lachlan as he gives her some pretend apples. "Want some water, too?" he asks. "I think she does," I reply and down the mountain we go again.

This continued for almost an hour. I was so pleased to seem him being a willing participant in a play session with his sister. Of course, he thought it was all about him as toddlers do, but makes no difference! Now every day Lachlan asks me if we can go up Noelle mountain. Not only does he bring her pretend food, he's begun bringing her a teether as well when she's upset (she has two little teeth popping up!)

All it takes is some creative thinking and positive associations and you can foster a great sibling relationship. It also takes time. For some, a lot of time, but they'll get there. Rome wasn't built in a day they say and for some children, a good relationship isn't either. Patience, patience! :)

Introducing Noelle and a Big Brother!

Big Brother and Little Sister

Sweet Angel, Noelle

Yes. I know, I know. I have been completley slack about blogging. I've been keeping most everyone informed via facebook these days. I've had a good excuse for my blog laziness. The arrival of our sweet little girl Noelle. She graced us with her presence in April. Since then our little world has been filled with a little bit more joy-I didn't even think that was possible! Children have a way of doing that though and she makes it very easy. She's a great sleeper and as content as can be. She's made her place in our family and all of us have welcomed her with much love; especially Lachlan.

Lachlan has been an amazing little brother. If his sister cries he tells me that he has to "check on Noelle." He returns and always tells me she "needs mummy's milk." It seems as soon as toddlers learn the ropes of becoming a big brother, they also become parenting experts as well. Lachlan loves to direct and correct me regarding my parenting skills. If Noelle cries and I think she needs a burp, Lachlan will say, "No, mummy. Noelle needs mummy's milk!" He definitley thinks we are doing things all wrong in the parent department. When Noelle first came home from the hospital I put her a little bouncy seat. The seat swallowed her up and she could't move out of it as she was so small with no strength to move around so I didn't even both strapping her in. I was sitting next to her on the floor and there was no change of her wiggling her way out. Lachlan of course called me out. He runs over and shouts with urgency, "Click, clack, Mummy! Click, clack Noelle!" He was right. We should always, "buckle up" what kind example was I setting and certainly what kind of parent am I? I'm sure this is what was running through Lachie's head. From then on he insisted on supervising me when ever I put Noelle in her seat. Most of the time insisting that he 'click-clack' her in himself. I'm sure he thought I'd muck it up. He'd lost all trust in me!

So with a second on our lives have changed but definitely for the better. I thought it would be a lot more busy in the house, but surprisingly not much has changed. I believe this is because Noelle is very content. She has really become even more comfortable as part of our family of the last few weeks, wanting to be held less and happy sitting or lying around watching her parents and big brother. She's just taking everything in now where as before she was happy but she did like to snuggle a lot. She's a sweet snuggly baby and won't disappoint you when she's in your arms. She'll flash you a beautiful smile and delight you with many coos and gah-gahs.

A bonus about having a bub in the house is that it actually makes me slow down. Sound strange? It isn't when you think about it. A bub needs to be feed at least every four hours and that means that every four hours at least I need to slow down, sit down and focus on feeding my daughter. I breastfeed so it makes the time even more intimate as we develop a special bond. I use this time to also have a snuggle with Lachlan. To make sure he's not left out I always ask him if he'd like to come and have a snuggle with me while I feed Noelle or if he'd like me to read a book to him. He'll hold the book and turn the pages. He won't want to sit with me all the time and if he does it won't last more than ten minutes as he'll want to go off and do something else, but I let him know that the option is always open and he need not feel shy about joining in with my special time with his sister. After all there are plenty of feeds in the day that Noelle and I just enjoy our one-on-one company so no one misses out.

I've also eased the brotherhood transition for Lachlan by making sure he is an 'involved family member.' I emphasise this because I think that it isn't just important to talk about a sibling being a big brother or a big sister, although this is important but to help them see the bigger picture: we are are family. Family means that we ALL love each other and we ALL help each other out in times of need. We are a family unit and each person is as important as the other, no matter how big or small.

I explained to Lachlan that when Noelle cries she doesn't just need a nappy change or fed, she needs "help." This is a word that many toddlers understand and if not we explain it by our actions. In the beginning, if Noelle cried I told Lachlan that she needs our help. "Let's go see what she needs. Can you help me figure out what she wants?" As Lachlan has always been a 'thinker' this technique is fun for him. It presents a challenge; a problem to solve and of course helps develop those very important problem-solving skills; all great for cognitive and emotional development. When we figure out what is wrong, I ask Lachlan if he'd like to help me. If it is a nappy change he'll hand me the clean nappy, wipes and fasten the nappy as well. Sometimes he likes to help, but other times he is satisfied with determining the solution and could care less if he's involved in the rest of the process; that's alright too. I also use this technique when Lachlan is upset. I say to Noelle, "What's wrong with your brother? Let's go see if we can help him." Lachaln then understands that this help thing is a two-way street. Again, we are family and our job is to help one another, love one another and work together. I just love the fact now that when ever his sister gets upset, the first thing that pops to his mind now is to check on her.

So the time is come where I think I'm ready to write on this blog more regularly again. I had taken a break not because I was actually too busy, but because I knew that my family needed more time with me. I wanted to make sure that these first couple months, Lachlan had all the love and attention he needed from me as we all settled into our new family. He certainly didn't need a blog to compete with. It seems now that we are all confident and content with our new roles and the new dynamic of this family and there is a bit moe wiggle room for this mummy to have a bit of writing fun.  As always, until next time, Happy Parenting!

Prepping Bub... for Bub!

Years ago I used to volunteer for a non-profit organization called First Steps while I was studying at university. First Steps offers several services to parents and children, one being a support network for moms who have just given birth in the hospital. A volunteer such as myself would visit the mom and dad in the hospital, provide them with information and answer any questions they may have regarding carrying for their new baby, breastfeeding and post-birth recovery. We would then follow up with the parents for three months after birth to ensure the family is doing well and to offer help if the mom develops postpartum depression (PPD). The family was given a parenting bag with heaps of brochures and samples of baby products. New parents really appreciated the visits and were very interested in the information provided. Seasoned parents generally had the attitude of 'been there, done there.' After all, they are pros now! There was one brochure however that made them perk up whenever I took it out of the bag; it was on the topic of sibling rivalry. Second or third time parents would take this brochure and chuck the bag on the other side of the room. They often had many questions or told war stories about how their first born drug the second born through the trenches and wanted to avoid any casualties with the third. I would sit and talk with the mom or dad and offer guidance on how they could involve the siblings in the new bub's routine which would make them feel important, unique and needed within the family unit.

But what about before bub is born? Often parents are not offered guidance on how they could prepare their existing child for the arrival of his soon-to-be brother or sister. Sure there are a few children's books you can buy with titles such as ; 'When Baby Comes Home' or 'Becoming a Big Brother' etc. These are a start but more can be done. In fact, most parents don't even think about making preparations beforehand. Generally they have a whole list of things for Junior to do after the birth such as; help feed or bathe the baby. Pregnant moms anxiously await for the moment when they can set the plan in action and wonder how it will all pan out. But how about right now while the baby is in utero? Don't kid yourself if you think that your child doesn't have a clue what is going on. He may be too young to understand what is exactly happening to your tummy, for all he knows mommy has just been dipping into the ice cream one too many times or wants to try out for sumo wrestling. He does know however that something is different. How can he not? The air in the room changes with a pregnancy--mommy's tired, mommy's sick, mommy's happy, mommy's sad. The hormones alone change the mood of your home. You may not believe it but I'm sure your hubby or older children will set you straight! Also we begin to use the word 'baby' a lot and not just 'baby' but 'the NEW baby.' Young children who do not know opposites might not think anything of this terminology but children who have mastered this might just start to wonder. "If this is a new baby, then what's the old baby." If they think they are the 'old baby' it can cause some issues for them. We don't for example want a child to think he's going to be sent to sleep in a box in the garage with all his 'old' pairs of shoes! Sounds silly and ridiculous to us but it is amazing the ideas that children come up with in their heads.

So what can us pregnant mommy and daddies do? It is really quite easy and I'm sure if you had some more free time on your hands you could come up with a lot of things all on your own but since you are here I'll share with you some of the things Lachlan and I have been doing:

1) Read a story to the baby. To say Lachlan and I read 30 books a day would be an understatement. Since reading is an obviously huge part of our day it makes since to incorporate bub-to-be and allows Lachlan to share something he loves with mommy's little (at the moment) bump. Lachlan always picks out stories from the shelf for me to read. Now when he is finished I ask him if he would like to pick one out for the baby. I expose my belly so Lachlan is clear that we are reading to the baby and we read the book for bub. This is wonderful as soon the baby will be able to hear and can enjoy the sounds of his/her mommy's and big brother's voice.

2) Sing songs to the bump! Do this the same as with the books but offer to sing a song to the baby. Lachlan for example loves finger playsongs. 'Round and Round the Garden' is one of his favourites. When we sing to the baby we tickle my tummy and make my belly button the little house.

3) Follow your child's lead. This is probably the most important thing of all to do! Don't push any of the above on to your child. He'll become interested in the baby when he is ready. If he doesn't want to share his story time with the baby then don't force him. Perhaps he sees that as a really special alone time with you, which may also carry over after the baby is born.

4) Play pretend! I would hope that you all have a doll for your child to play with or at least a stuffed toy that he can pretend to feed, put to sleep, take for a walk etc. I introduced the majority of these pretend/social toys when Lachlan was able to sit up and right away he began feeding his doll or putting Ted down for a nap. A little baby doll, especially one that can go in the bath is great. You can demonstrate to your child how we play gently with the baby doll. Children will imitate what you do so if you hold the doll gently they will be more likely do the same. We mustn't also forget about the sense of sound. Moms naturally talk to their babies in a special universal language called motherse; you may know it as 'baby talk.' Mothers instinctively change their tone and pitch of their voice to talk to their bubs in a more calming and soothing manner. Demonstrating motherese with a doll to your child is a great lesson. Your child will learn that we 'shhhhh' babies to help them sleep and sing to them very softly. Overall if you introduce all the above well before bub arrives home, you will have a sibling who is much better prepared for the new addition. It simply can't hurt and at the very least your child will have participated in a lot of social-emotional play for the day which has countless benefits to development.

5) Make big changes now or prepare to wait! If you are planning on making a big change that will affect your child such as; eliminating a pacifier, stopping co-sleeping or switching to a toddler bed or swapping bedrooms; do it long before the baby arrives. One thing we don't want to occur is for your child to associate a change that he may see as negative or unpleasurable, to the baby. For instance; if you want your child to be pacifier-free when he is two and your baby is due around that time, don't wait until then to wean your child from his paci. Children can only handle a certain number of stressors at a time. Remember that any change, whether it is good or bad, is a stress. It affects us physiologically and psychologically. Whether it produces adrenaline or the stress-hormone, cortisol, it will elicit some effect that can be difficult to cope with. If your child is weaned from his pacifier several months before bub arrives then you can be more confident that there will be smooth sailing in that department. You do however have to be prepared for the 'reverting back' that might occur is he is having a hard time coping with bub and then wants his paci again! That's were all this pre-prep for baby comes in handy. Of course, you may also decide you want to just hold off on such changes until after the bub is born and that is fine too. Just know it might be a long time afterward when you feel your first born can handle such a change and by then you might be having another one on the way! Bottom line is to think ahead and if there are changes you can make now that will save frustrations later down the track, then consider putting them into motion.

Well, that's all from this mommy's kitchen table. Our little prince is stirring from his afternoon nap. We'll share more ideas as we continue through our pregnancy journey with Lachlan. Hopefully I'll get my act together and post some videos with some finger plays for those parents who have no clue what I'm talking about! :-)

Just the Two of Us

Lachlan and I have just a little bit longer to go until it is no longer the two of us; two best buddies hanging out during the day; two of us sharing a special gelato treat that we hide from daddy; two of us who snuggle and give Eskimo kisses. Soon there will be a third in this mix. We are very excited to be able to welcome our new baby in April. This bub will bring a new dynamic to our family; Lachlan will become a brother and my hubby and I will become the proud parents of two children. It is all good stuff and we look forward to it. I do however think about all the last moments that I will have: the last time it will be just me and Lachlan. The last time I have all of his attention and that he has all of mine. It makes me just want to savour all of our special little alone time moments together.

Two weeks ago, Lachlan completely self-weaned hisself from breast milk. It was a bittersweet moment. I was very proud of him for doing this all on his own and proud of myself for allowing the process to occur naturally. One part of me was ready to say good-bye to the feedings but another part of me was going to miss the closeness that breastfeeding gives. For many months Lachlan was only feeding once a day right before his nap time. I could tell that he wasn't really hungry but he was only doing it for emotional comfort before bed as it helps him fall asleep. I figured I would test this and see if he would be happy if I offered him something else beside my breast. When he laid down for his nap I offered Numbi, the numbat he sleeps with. He was comforted by Numbi along with me laying next to him and he fell asleep and didn't care about feeding. Normally I would encourage my clients to continue the routine of keeping their child sleeping in their own cot but I was comfortable with the idea of us taking a nap together as I'm tired from the pregnancy and it offered Lachlan extra comfort while he's weaning and it has given me the chance to have a little extra alone snuggle time with him which will soon be no more. Soon I'll be snuggling with both of my children. The thought of it makes me smile, but for now I want to treasure this time with Lachlan. Fortunately, Lachlan will go to his cot to sleep if I put him there with no fuss so him napping with me during the day has not set up a problem in his routine. If it did, I would stop doing it and would recommend that to any parent. Moments like these are special treats but if they cause a problem then it is better to eliminate it then to create a problem you will have to spend a long time fixing. Most parents don't want to go back to the days of trying to get their child to sleep in their bed alone again! So please keep that in mind. Some children are more flexible than others and in this case it has worked out nicely us. Both mommy and bubby are happy.

So I have about 28 weeks to enjoy this alone time with Lachlan. Call me sentimental. I am and have always been. I'm sure I'll feel the same way when number three arrives and number four and so forth. I remember feeling the same way with my husband before Lachlan arrived as I think most couples do. After your baby is born though you think, what on earth where we doing before you arrived? You just can't imagine your life without your child/ren. Lots more of these moments ahead!