The Sound of Silence

Ah.. the television. A source of tension among many families and friends. The subject of TV and children always seems to do just that; after all everyone has their own idea of just how educational a television can be to the developing child. My view is probably the same that you'll hear from anyone in the developmental science profession. I personally don't see the purpose of allowing children to watch TV before the age of two. Oh, yes, did you hear a few gasps? There are always a couple and I've even gotten lectures on how I am depriving my child. I find it very interesting how strong some people feel about the television; so strongly that they have to tell me for 5 minutes or more how strange and  controlling it is for me to not have the television on for my child--who is not even a year old yet. Come on...really? It makes me wonder why certain people feel such strong emotions towards this considering that my son is thriving, hitting all his milestones and certainly gives no indication that he is missing out on anything. Believe it or not my son likes interacting with me and when I'm not able to engage, he enjoys the sound of silence where he can read a book, explore objects or even just watch in fascination at what I am doing; and yes, this is in silence.

Silence is actually one of those really cheap developmental enhancers that you can expose your child to. How you may ask? Well, it is simple. Television as we know is stimulating. It is fun to look at and attracts a child's attention. Too much of it however can have a negative effect on certain children, especially those that may be prone to have a short attention span. If a child gets accustomed to a stimulus, he will tend to prefer that over another. In many ways some parents unintentionally train their children to be this way; for example, if an emotional child is often offered the television as a distraction when he is upset, he may become to depend on such a stimulus to soothe himself. The item of course doesn't have to be a TV: we use pacifiers, a favourite toy etc. to help calm children and all of these items can be challenging to break away from. The television when used in excess however can have long term effects- again to certain children. On going TV usage creates a stimulating environment where the child now feels comfortable. Often if these children are offered the opportunity to sit in silence, they become bored or perhaps over anxious. They have adapted to always having something visually appealing and may have a difficult time relying on other senses to navigate them. Sometimes such children become destructive when encountered with silence. They may throw things or get into things that are messy to create something that appeals to them. These things are all great as long as they are channeled properly. Throwing a pillow or a ball is fine or making a nice finger painting mess is wonderful. Throwing daddy's phone or writing on the walls with crayons however would not be as nice! If this is your child, it is not too late to 'train' them to appreciate all that a low-key enviornment has to offer. If your child finds it difficult, play soft music in the background. Classical music is great and baroque music has shown to be beneficial to cognitive development in infants. Why not allow them to create their own stimulus? Offer musical instruments where they can sit and experiment with rhythm and various sounds. Doing this in a quiet environment creates an opportunity to listen to a single note in its purest form, uninfluenced by any other accompanying sounds. Perhaps your child will find they have an interest in music.

There are also so many other wonderful activities that are great for quiet play; puzzles, blocks, cutting along lines, drawing, reading. If you select any fine motor activity, you'll most likely have a winner and many cognitive/problem-solving activities are best performed in an enviornment where the thinking process is not disturbed.

We all parent in our own unique ways. Some things of course can be overkill; which results in issues for the parent and child. All innate objects can be used as a positive or as a negative. It is all about timing and purpose. The TV is one of those objects I often see during consultations with parents or even in child care centres (another gasp, please! Yes, I do visit places labelled as 'early learning centres' where the TV is turned on for numerous hours of the day) where then it has become something negative; either a source of over-stimulation or used as a babysitter or as a bribe.

I am very proud of Lachlan as he can sit for a long time preoccupied with reading or problem-solving. Friends often comment on how great it is that he can be so content in his own world. Can I say that it is because of a lack of TV? I can not. You could find a child who loves television that can do the same thing. Perhaps no exposure to television allows him to achieve this process for longer durations. Who knows. I just know that the television isn't offering him anything more interesting than what he has around him and we both aren't complaining about that. I do know that he would prefer to watch me read to him or perform finger plays, over the television. I know this because we have tested it out and he chooses person to person interaction over a digital image which makes both of us happy. I certainly am not a TV Nazi, I don't go around judging people because they let their infants watch TV. If I did that I would probably have few friends! I realise many people allow their children to do this. We are all free to parent in whichever way we choose. My friends know how I feel about TV in infancy and I would hope that they don't judge me or label me as a certain type of parent. Even so, who cares as long as you are at ease with what you do. If you are someone who feels guilty when they plop bub in front of the boob-tube, then perhaps you need to question why you feel guilty and then go from there. This might be a likely emotion for a parent that uses the TV excessively, whereas not for a parent who turns it on in moderation.

If you are an avid TV watcher, then there are a few things that you can take into account to ensure your child is receiving maximum benefits. The first thing is to examine the content. Is it age appropriate and offering anything of educational value? Secondly, sit down and watch the program with your child. This is actually how the majority of educational TV programming is meant to be viewed. Interact with your child while you are watching. If it is a program such as Sesame Street or Playschool, play off of the topic discussed and repeat the questions that the characters ask on the show. Engage with your child to ensure that they do take something away; this also shows them that the TV has a positive purpose, it is not just an 'escape.' When the program is over, talk about what you watched and see if you can find something that your child was particularly interested in. Expand upon that interest and create your own activity at home which will coincide with what they just learned. Lastly, limit TV viewing to a moderate level and avoid using it as a reward or bribe, doing this only makes the TV more appealing. (The same is true for eliminating TV all together. I have seen cases of children over the age of two actually sneaking in the middle of the night to watch... and we all know the types of programs on at that hour and I'm not talking about informercials!) I personally think 30 minutes of TV viewing in one day  for a toddler is more than enough.

Finding a balance is key and just remember that there is nothing greater than the dynamic between parent and child. If you use TV because you are out of activities to do with your child, there are a lot of websites such as this one that can give you some tips. Check out your local library or a teachers resource centre for books on age appropriate activities that will engage your child. Just remember that YOU are the best entertainment for your child!